Thursday, March 22, 2007

Another brilliant google suggest poem

How do you

How do you solve a problem like maria
how do you tie a tie
how do you know if your pregnant
how do you know if you are pregnant
how do you like them apples
how do you get aids
how do you talk to an angel
how do you do
how do you make out
how do you say merry christmas in german

Best photo ever



Apparently, high school student Michael Carmichael accidentally dropped a baseball in paint in the mid 1960's. He then painted it and dipped it in paint over and over again until it was the size of a football. He donated it to the Indiana Soldiers' and Sailors' Children's Home Museum. They wouldn't give it back so he started with a fresh baseball in 1977. It now has over 20,000 coats of paint and weighs 1800 pounds. Michael's wife Glenda has painted thousands of coats herself. You can read about it here or see Mike's own page here, but you only need to look at that picture to get the whole story. Look how sad Glenda is in that "my husband's been painting a baseball for almost 30 years" way. See how the disembodied clowns with dental problems mock her and not him. It's almost too heartbreaking to look at. That's life right there. Mike is Sisyphus voluntarily and happily rolling a giant ball. Glenda is his long-suffering wife who sees life as it is: a pointless endless series of coats of paint. This couple illustrates your two choices: paint and be happy, or don't and be unhappy. A brilliant unintended piece of photojournalism.

New content and my balls

Okay, internet, here's something that you don't know because I overheard it on the subway out there in meatspace. On the 2 train, I overheard one guy say totally without irony:

The tyranny of children is having to watch their entertainment.
Dude! Tyranny? I admit that you give up a certain amount of liberty when you become a parent, but there's worse stuff out there than watching Bob the Builder. I, for one, get smacked in the balls much more frequently since I became a father. The shortness plus flailing around is a bad combination. Some days I expect to hear Bob Saget's voice-over narrating the experience.



Tuesday, March 20, 2007

A piece of useless crap that is more important to me because I read it in print before I saw it online

Dan Savage is a sex advice columnist. In his Feb 28 2007 "Savage Love" column in the Village Voice (I'm too lazy to find the online version), he chastised a reader for fantasizing about Anna Nicole Simpson now that she's dead. I think he was wrong to fantasize about her before she was dead, but that's just me. In doing so, Savage listed some random dead people. Whenever I think of a random dead person I think of Abraham Lincoln - just a lazy habit from my youth. Dan's list made me laugh out loud. Here it is out of context 'cause I'm blogging, not writing for the New York Times:
Which is why no one beats off to James Dean or River Phoenix or Marilyn Monroe or Mary Todd Lincoln without feeling a little creepy, a little hopeless, and a little closer to the grave himself.
First of all, he broke the "three things" comedy rule by mentioning four things. Secondly, Mary Todd Lincoln. IITL!